The other day while I was in my lovely friend's class she gave a dharma talk about Noble Silence. This was the first time I'd ever heard of Noble Silence, and I loved the two words together. There is something so gentle and embracing about it-- Noble Silence. Mmmmm. Makes me think of laying on my back in a pile of fluffy pillows while angels flutter above me and kittens purr in my ears to the tune of Tibetan sound bowls.
When I got home I got on the Google and discovered that Noble Silence is a term attributed to the Buddha.
Deep healing and transformation comes from silence, from the ability to be silent. This was not always a state I could exist in. And it is only very recently that I am becoming conscious enough to build boundaries against draining my power with wrong speech.
What she said was even more powerful. She spoke of keeping your words to yourself so that you are able to tap into your own core, your own center without needing confirmation or validation from anyone else.
This has always been a fault of mine, needing the opinions of others, not trusting my own intuition. I looked for validation about my own feelings. And, when someone disagreed with me I'd argue with them until they saw it my way. As though if they didn't believe what I was saying my intuition was wrong. I was giving all of my power away to other people. I have wasted COUNTLESS hours leaking my energy this way.
It was the uncertainty of situations that lead me to walk down this dark and twisty Labyrinth of emotion. I've had so much fear of the unknown, and my coping mechanism was talking my way through the fear, but the thoughts and feelings were unconscious. I was coming at the problem in fear and anxiety, which was creating more fear and anxiety. I wasn't able to sit in the silence. I couldn't allow for it to have an organic life of its own.
My fear overtook me and I felt that talking about it would make it better. If I could talk about it then I could remove the uncertainty, remove the fear. And yet, it never worked. Yes, if I was confiding in a good friend there was some momentary relief, but I was talking my way around my fears until I was exhausted. I wasn't sitting with the fear, uncovering its root and transforming it.
It took me many years to get to a place where I was able to be in the silence with my feelings, to sit with them, be comfortable with them and to not try and prove them to everyone around me.
But, it is only within the last few weeks that I have really come to a place of strength where I am utilizing boundaries with myself about what comes out of my mouth.
Life is uncertain and we all want to feel safe, so we allow ourselves to seek comfort from other people. And, that's not always bad, but when our speech has gotten away from us, when we are talking our way around issues instead of being with them, understanding them, and trusting the beautiful wisdom of our own souls it is then that we are whoring our words out rather than allowing them to be poetic and musical additions to the world where we live.
This lesson has been a really hard one for me. I have often confided in the wrong people, said too much and given people power they didn't deserve all because I wasn't practicing noble silence. All because I wasn't trusting in the wisdom of my own soul.
We all have the ability to intuitively know. All we have to do is trust. Through practicing noble silence we can more completely surrender to our intuition and the more completely we surrender to our inner voice the more completely we are able to believe that we are being loved and supported on our path.
Sit in silence, trust in that silence, know that your silence is your home and allow your inner guide to lead you to the truth! Most importantly, release the fear around the truth! As the saying goes, the truth will set you free, but first it might piss you off...
Peace and love...xoxoxo